Another Opinion Among Many

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then She killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

“Good Heavens” said the horrified teacher. “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?”

“Stay away from Aunt Barbara when she’s drinking…..”

Some comic relief from an email I received:

“I have an earache.”

2000 BC - Here, eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 AD - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 AD - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 AD - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there
is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes
flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the
air, and hands it back.

Oh my , I am so sorry, ” the woman says as she
pops her eye back in place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, “
she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and
afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he
would like to come to her
place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with
all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!!
Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

“You know, ” he said, “you are the perfect
woman.
Are you this nice to every guy you meet? “

“No, ” she replies. . . . “

Wait for it.

It’s coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?

and…

Continue reading ‘Time to Groan’ »

My friend sent this to me via email.  Whoever wrote this has a real flair.  Check it out:

How companies treat the dead horse

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.”
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in todays environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that “This horse is not dead.”
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that “No horse is too dead to beat.”
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.
15. Do a Cost Analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is “better, faster and cheaper” dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Now tell me that you don’t agree with most of this! LOL!

Thanks to Dragonlady for the heads up on this silly “test”, I decided to do it too.  Turns out that I’m:

You are 75% geeky.

You’re the ultimate geek. I’d write that in Klingon, but you’d probably correct my grammar. Get a girlfriend.

The current average score is: 31.07%

Fact: 19.54% of people who took this test claim to have attempted to build a robot.

Try for yourself.

Thought you might like this…

THE PASSING OF AN ICON…
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima
delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never
knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business,
but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a
very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and
was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived
by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus
they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop
Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

I just got this in an email from a friend. I think that its clever.

A Northern Manitoba Metis was stopped by a game warden just outside of Lake
Manitoba Narrows recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving an area lake
well known for the fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. These are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

“Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let ‘em swim’round
for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest
and I take ‘em home.”

“That’s a bunch of crap! Fish can’t do that!”

The Metis looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s the
truth. I’ll show you. It really works.”

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”

The Metis poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” said the Metis!

“When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH!”

“What fish?”