Another Opinion Among Many

What happens when a man does the dishes

So, I thought that I’d call this one “Precarious”

I was looking through some (very) old emails and stumbled across a few that I got from a joke site that I had subscribed to the newsletter of. Its since been taken down and the site has a pay-per-click search engine set up by some domain squatter. I just couldn’t leave this one in storage any longer. If you wrote this, let me know, so I can attribute it to you:

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy
gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please
make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No.”

The little boy goes on, “Please…please make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.”

The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a
frog noise.”

So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a
frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “I just told your brother ‘no’ and I’m telling you ‘no’.”

The little girl says, “Please…please Grandpa make a frog noise.”

The Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?”

The little girl replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to
Disney World!”

My Internet Security Suite.

92%DRUNKARD
Is it a bad thing that I take a small pride in getting almost all of the answers right?

From my inbox (thanks searcher 625):

A young farm lad from Texas goes off to college at Texas A&M University, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. “Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Texas A&M that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!”

“That’s absolutely amazing,” his father says. “How do I get him in that program?”

“Just send him down here with $1,000″ the boy says. “I’ll get him into the course.” So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

“So how’s Ole Blue doing, son,” his father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results with this program that they’ve implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!” “READ,” says his father, “No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?”

Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.” His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.

“Where’s Ole Blue? I just can’t wait to see him talk and read something!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing’ around with that little redhead who lives in town?’

The father says, “I hope you SHOT that old dog before he talks to your Mother!”

“I sure did, Dad!”

“That’s my boy!”

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer…….)

A joke from my inbox:

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in, and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, “A folding bottle.” She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”
“A Fottle.” “What else do you have?”
“A folding carton.” “What do you call it?” “A Farton.”
She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude.”
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket

I got this in an email from my friend Richard, who lives near (and in) T.O. and he will attest (along with a few other friends), that this is not really a joke, but YOU’D BETTER LAUGH!

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city’s name: it is T.O.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 km/h. On the 401 or 407, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered “wussy.”
4. Forget all traffic rules you learned elsewhere; T.O. has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Oakville, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of T.O. and, in fact, the GTA. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. MapQuest does not work in T.O. — none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all freeway off- and on-ramps are moved each night.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 130 km/h in a 100 zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time — just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

I had to laugh.  This is also true in a lot of other cities that I’ve been to.  The signal light thing is definitely also a Fredericton thing.